yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize