Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
