my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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