You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
