so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
