"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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