you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
