he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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