I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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