you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
