What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We need to get me chipped asap
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize