I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
