i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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