you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
