oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
