I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
