Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize