I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
