I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
