How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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