Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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