Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
