I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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