She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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