when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
