I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
