cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to stop coming to work sober
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
