So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
