Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
