Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
