someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
