Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
