No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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