im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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