Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
