but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize