ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
