Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
