I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
