And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize