i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
