dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
