i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
