how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
