the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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