got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
