Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
