I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
