Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
