just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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