Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
