I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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