No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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