Nicole vs. Life
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
