i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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