Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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