Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
