i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
