I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
