She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
