Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
