Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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