WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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