Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
