Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
