I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
