hotel room ftw
nutella sex= disaster
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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