i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
