Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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