Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
