I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she peed on how many people?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
