She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
