As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
high people should be assigned attendants
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
