Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
