party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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