Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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