whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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