you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
