Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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