Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
