is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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